Truancy

Heather, the reason I'm shaking my head and pointing my finger at you is because if you had been to class the day the What To Do If Your Best Friend Steals The Husband You didn't Really Want Anyway lecture was given, you would have known that in times as these, the object is to try and look better than the other woman. It's instances such as this that make me want to just give. Up. While you are slogging along the beach there, lugging everything from your trunk, your boobs are sagging. Not the epitome of "I Still Got It." 'Cause sister, you don't. What you do have, however, is a hat. A really big hat. A hat so big it sags and points directly to your less than nubile breast and your really nice, but wholly inappropriate for the beach, hand bag. Don't even think about the fact that Denise was tip toeing through the tulips with your husband in Paris wearing a tasteful white bikini with cute matching sarong the week before. I would hate for you to give up the whole "I didn't really want a rock star husband anyway. I wanted a comedian who looks fourteen and the only hair he has on his chest is around his nipples' thing you got going. Shh! It's too late now. The only thing you can do at this point, is to be sure and attend the What To Do When You've Really Fu*ked It Up And Now People Think You Are desperately Trying To Hold On To Your Youth And Now Feel Sorry For You lecture we're having on August 7th.

Refreshments will be served.