Ridicluelessness

Friday, August 11, 2006

Chokehold

Brooke Hogan, daughter of Hulk Hogan, flashing her Nelly-style grille. That is so wrong, she should have to do time for this crime against fashion. Brooke....you need to actually be a star before you wear them. You have got entirely too much everything going on. Your eyes are too dark, your hair is to blonde, your earrings are too star shaped and your teeth are too bejeweled. And they don't even look good. It looks like you bought them off QVC one night when you couldn't sleep and nothing was on TV. I think you need to go find your father and ask him to do a Piledriver on you to snap you back into reality.

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5 Comments:

Prunella Jones said...: Good God that's a face that could scare little children!; 10:23 AM
Jen said...: not pretty at all.; 10:37 AM
Anonymous said...: I'm blind!; 2:57 PM
Anonymous said...: She looks like the product of my old Hollywood Barbie doll and Mary Carey having sex.; 3:38 AM
Litzi said...: Hi Maddie,
OMG! Another picture of a hoe! I thought these were orthodontic braces and was almost feeling sorry for her to be having her teeth corrected at such a late stage. Perhaps she should have Daddy mess her face up a bit and then she could have plastic surgery to help her out.; 10:50 PM

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: Name: Maddie; Location: Alabama

I know what you're thinking: I'm from Alabama and I have no business whatsoever pointing out the flaws of Hollywood Celebrities. But I'm very talented at running my mouth due to my years of working in Radio. I follow the daily lives of celebrities because it's a few hours a day that I am not trying to run my own advertising agency or be a mother to two little boys who demand juice every five mintues on rotating shifts. I have a wonderful bonus son who is determined to drive us all crazy and his mother (my husband's ex wife and dear friend of mine) into an early grave. My husband is a police officer and HORRIFIC pool boy. My mother's vocabulary includes words such as 'attack-ted' and 'muncho'. So who am I to tell celebrities that they should never have visible camel toe?

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Terms and Definitions

Trailer Park Tammy • ( 'trA-ler park tam âe)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears as if she resides in a heavily populated trailer park.
Ex: Britney Spears

Redneck Rita • (red-ânek rit a)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, whose actions and opinions are similar to those of the rural South.
Ex: Tara Reid

Mattress-Back Road-Whore
(ma-tres bak rOd hOr)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears to have had many multiple partners and has a weathered appearance.
Ex. Paris Hilton

Fug • (fUg)
adj.: Frightingly ugly.
Ex. Bjork

Whoreible • (hOr a ble)
adj.: Marked by or conducive to horrible. Can also be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. Sharon Stone

Whoretrocious • (hOrtrO-shes)
adj.: Utterly revolting
Ex. Kevin Federline

Gone • (go-n)
adj.: So far removed from reality it is unlikely to come back. Can be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. "That outfit is so gone."

Skank • (ske[a]k)
adj.: An individual whose actions are similar to those of a Trailer Park Tammy or Mattress Back Roadwhore.
Ex. Jessica Simpson

Puddin • (pu-din)
adj.: An individual who may not reside in a trailer park but probably should.
Ex. Lindsey Lohan

Critter • (kri-ter)
adj.: A being of anomalous or uncertain aspect or nature.
Ex. Whitney Houston

Fantabulous • (fan'tab ye-les) adj.: The combined usage of âfabulousâ and âfantasticâ.
Ex. Jessica Alba

Whore • (hOr)
adj.: Jessica Simpson
Ex. Angelina Jolie

Friday, August 11, 2006

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