Cockermations

I went to my parents house for dinner one evening and I was standing out on the deck smoking a cigarette (pre-quit) with my father. He was telling me about his dog, Billy The Boy (full name...except he pronounces it like Billy De' boy and insists it's French.) which is a mix breed dog of Dalmation and Cocker Spaniel, the two most hyper breeds known to man. My father was expressing his concern over the fact that Billy De'boy, who is at least ten, was losing weight at an alarming rate.

"He wont eat a thing," my father lamented as we studied the speckled dog.

"Is he interested in food at all?" I asked.

"Yeah. He'll smell it all day long but he wont eat any of it," my father replied, perplexed.

"Have you taken him to the vet?"

"Not yet. I figured he would get better but I guess I need to take him on Monday," my father decided.

Billy De'boy listened to us intently then grew bored and yawned a huge yawn. Something, or the lack of something, caught my eye. I leaned in closer for a better look.

"Well Dad. I know why Billy hasn't been eating anything, " I informed him as I petted the dog. "He doesn't have any teeth."

"Sure 'nuff?" My father got on his knees and opened the dogs mouth to reveal his mouth in all of its gummy glory. "Hey Virginia Gail!" he yelled inside to my mother. "Billy ain't got no teeth!"

"How long has it been since you noticed he stopped eating," I asked.

"Bout three weeks."

I called my father on Monday to see how Billy De'boy was. "Did you get him some food he could eat?" I asked.

"I sure did. I got him some of that Elmo and he ate it up!" He exclaimed.

"Elmo? You mean Alpo?"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah."

I PROMISE I am not making this stuff up.