Conversations With Mother Part Three

My brother got a tattoo over the weekend and knowing my mother would freak out about it, I told her. Later I received a phone call from my brother, bitching me out for telling her and getting her all over his case (she thinks our bodies are God's temples and it is a sin to put graffiti on God's temple). So in order to get me back, he tells her tonight, that I got my "Sweet Thing" pierced.

"Hello?"

"Maddie, I'm not trying to get in your personal business but (deep breath) Landon just told me that you got your petunia pierced and I want to know if it's true?" She asked me.

"What?" It took a nanosecond for me to realize what was happening. She repeated her claim.
"Mother...it was a long time ago. We all do stupid things when were young."

"You mean to tell me that you got an earring on your private area?" She screamed into the phone.

"Yeah. A bunch of us girls did it. We got in a line and just waited until he finished with one and was ready for another." I was oddly enjoying myself. My mother is the most sexually repressed individual I know.

"What have I raised? Why did you do it? Who did you want to see it? Did he touch you?" She fired questions off in rapid secession.

"Well, yeah he touched me. He kinda had to. But mine was just one of many mother," I continued to act calmly with further enraged her.

"You know...this is a new era in my life. I wish I could say that I was surprised but I'm not. Your father and I have simply failed in raising our children. We've tried to raise our children in the right way and we obviously never had the right to reproduce. Despite our taking you to church every Sunday, you grow up and do things like this. I'm just throwing my hands up at this point and walking away. "

The commercial break for American Idol was over so I was ready to tend the conversation. "Landon's just kidding mother. I really didn't." Oh! Ryan's ready to announce the top twelve! Mother is fixing to get hung up on if she doesn't hurry up.

"Oh! I'm so glad! Okay honey...American Idol's back on. I'll talk to you later."