Unbreak My Heart

Dear Brit,

Obviously I was in a different relationship than you were because I distinctly remember telling you not to allow your husband to impregnate you again. How could you do this to me? How could you allow his boys to dally with your girls? Not once...but twice. Why would you allow your womb to bear forth his fruit? How will you possibly drive around Los Angeles with two babies in your lap? THE MAN IS WEARING A TANK FOR GOD'S SAKE! While he has his arm around you, ask him to shake you and ask you what in God's name you are doing. And lets just say, worse case scenario, you actually are preggers...have you seen Gwen lately? Homegirl is working maternity, you hear me? You look like somebody bought you at a garage sale. Have some pride sister and rub on a tan. Or better yet, stay inside. Forever. That's the only way I will ever be able to erase the memory of his possessive grip on your derriere.