How

Admit it. You wish you had the buffalo oysters to arrive at an Oscar (little R with a circle around it) event wearing a Native American chastity belt and shapeless moccasins. And even if you did have the nerve to go all Geronimo on folks, you would never be brave enough or daring enough to pair all of that...with a tuxedo half jacket and white tank. Do you know why Lauren's hands are up? 'Cause she's saying, "Don't even try. But if you do, I'm washing my hands of it because I've already warned you." And just in case thats not enough...feast your eyes on the pom poms dangling from the hem of her pants. Did Native Americans even use pom poms? I digress. You see...its impossible. None of us...NONE...could ever bring it like Lauren and nor would I wish to try. I have no desire to be second best.

Thank you Lauren. Thank you for caring enough to warn us.