Ridicluelessness

Friday, July 14, 2006

No More Nookie

Paris Hilton recently stated that she will now be practicing celibacy for one year. She told Regis and Kelly that she's doing it or not doing it because she thinks one night stands are 'gross' and you should make the man work harder for' it'. Work harder for what Paris? Herpes? Your ill shaved petunia? Your brilliant mind? Your classy behavior? Your worthy contribution to society? The chance to have his encounter with you video taped and sold? Free copies of your cd? Sneak peaks at upcoming episodes of The Simple Live? Hour long discussions regarding your feud with Nicole and the slew of other celebrities that hate you?

3 Comments:

D. Prince said...: I'll believe it when the worldwide herpes rate goes down.; 2:26 AM
Prunella Jones said...: Bwahahahahaha. A year? She won't last an hour.; 8:56 AM
T-girl said...: I just LOVE this picture! Everytime I see it it brings a smile to my face! She just looks so pensive then you see the hand! LMAO Guess Daddies money could not buy class! Poor little rich girl cry me a river!; 3:20 PM

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: Name: Maddie; Location: Alabama

I know what you're thinking: I'm from Alabama and I have no business whatsoever pointing out the flaws of Hollywood Celebrities. But I'm very talented at running my mouth due to my years of working in Radio. I follow the daily lives of celebrities because it's a few hours a day that I am not trying to run my own advertising agency or be a mother to two little boys who demand juice every five mintues on rotating shifts. I have a wonderful bonus son who is determined to drive us all crazy and his mother (my husband's ex wife and dear friend of mine) into an early grave. My husband is a police officer and HORRIFIC pool boy. My mother's vocabulary includes words such as 'attack-ted' and 'muncho'. So who am I to tell celebrities that they should never have visible camel toe?

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Terms and Definitions

Trailer Park Tammy • ( 'trA-ler park tam âe)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears as if she resides in a heavily populated trailer park.
Ex: Britney Spears

Redneck Rita • (red-ânek rit a)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, whose actions and opinions are similar to those of the rural South.
Ex: Tara Reid

Mattress-Back Road-Whore
(ma-tres bak rOd hOr)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears to have had many multiple partners and has a weathered appearance.
Ex. Paris Hilton

Fug • (fUg)
adj.: Frightingly ugly.
Ex. Bjork

Whoreible • (hOr a ble)
adj.: Marked by or conducive to horrible. Can also be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. Sharon Stone

Whoretrocious • (hOrtrO-shes)
adj.: Utterly revolting
Ex. Kevin Federline

Gone • (go-n)
adj.: So far removed from reality it is unlikely to come back. Can be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. "That outfit is so gone."

Skank • (ske[a]k)
adj.: An individual whose actions are similar to those of a Trailer Park Tammy or Mattress Back Roadwhore.
Ex. Jessica Simpson

Puddin • (pu-din)
adj.: An individual who may not reside in a trailer park but probably should.
Ex. Lindsey Lohan

Critter • (kri-ter)
adj.: A being of anomalous or uncertain aspect or nature.
Ex. Whitney Houston

Fantabulous • (fan'tab ye-les) adj.: The combined usage of âfabulousâ and âfantasticâ.
Ex. Jessica Alba

Whore • (hOr)
adj.: Jessica Simpson
Ex. Angelina Jolie

Friday, July 14, 2006

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