At Least I'm Honest About It

I was visiting another blog and the topic was Real Women Lie. As I perused my response, I realized I would be doing my fellow ladies an injustice by not sharing it with you. I'm sure there are plenty tips you can add as well, so please do so. I need all the help I can get.

"I don't really lie about my weight or my makeup (who does seriously? I never knew lying about makeup was an issue with women) but I will own the fact that I tell BIG FAT BLACK LIES (as opposed to white) to my husband when it involves a purchase that I'm sure will constrict his heart. But I have picked up a few ideas over the years that prevent me from lying. It's more along the lines of 'creative truth telling'.

1. Keep your purchases in your trunk for a minimum of three days. When you take them out, you can say "Oh, I've had these", and you won't technically be lying.

2. If you are unable to keep your items in your trunk for three days, keep a red pen in your glove box. What happens to that $140 shirt? You just got it on sale for 75% off. The beauty of this, is you still don't have to lie. If he asks you how much an item cost, simple smile and show him the tag. Is it your fault he didn't ask you if you are in possession of a red pen in your glove box of which you used to deceitfully mark down your item while you sat in the car before you brought it in and erroneously assumed up only paid $35 for the shirt? No. It's not.

3. Allow him to purchase one ridiculously expensive item. You can get YEARS of mileage out of this. My husband purchased a paint ball gun for about $350 not counting the paint and gear, which I think brought the total close to $1000. If I don't feel like an elaborate ruse, I simply breeze through the house in my stunning but sinfully expensive shoes and proudly boast that I paid $200 for them yesterday. If he opens is mouth in protest, the following response should be adequate: "Oh please! You bought that stupid paint gun for $500. At least my purchase will do something productive like preventing my feet from being ripped to shreds on the pavement. What does YOUR purchase do?" Derision is key. He will in most cases, return to his game of Internet Checkers."

4. Purchase one small item for your husband to keep him busy while you bring in your other four bags of boutny.

Word of warning: If the sale was so fabulous and you didn't think to impliement any of the above tactics, sexual favors always work.
Always.