Jessica Simpson Plans To Corrupt A Child

Y'all! I'm gonna go get me a kid from somewhere just like Angelina Jolie did! I was just gonna get her lips but after everyone made a big deal about the needle marks I thought I better do something else. I want one of those kind that know how to take care of themselves and likes to shop. Won't that be fun? I already talked to my mama and she said she would keep it while I shacked up with all my co-stars so I have it all worked out! We can shop and talk and shop and shop. I know Nick wanted a baby real bad but I was afraid I wouldn't look good in my red cowboy boots with a big ole' belly! And my daddy says that all the positive press Nick got from pushing that kid on his bike might hurt me, so after me and my hairdresser went to Strawberry Hill...GAW! I mean CAPITOL Hill...I decided to get me a baby too and Nick can just kiss grits. Who does he think he is anyhow? I'm better off with out him. He was always saying stupid stuff like, "Don't waste so much money Jess" or "I really wish you would stop sleeping with everybody Jess" so I sent him a text message and told him IT WAS OVER. And then he had the GALL to ask me for ALIMONY! Does he not realize who I was BEFORE him? Does he not remember my American flag leather outfit? He must not...or he would be steppin'. Anyway, back to my kid, I want one with blonde hair and blue eyes and one that doesn't spit up or nothin. And after I get my baby...I'm gonna get a fountain in my backyard!