Ridicluelessness

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Conversations With My Mother

This message was left for me on ALL THREE PHONE NUMBERS (business, home and cell) that I have...

"Maddie...gettin' in touch with you is like trying to call the President! How come you won't call me back?"

Oh, no reason. Just keep trying mother. Keep trying.

1 Comments:

Sharie said...: 'LOL!!! I love your talk with your mom, Kimmie!!; 2:53 PM

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: Name: Maddie; Location: Alabama

I know what you're thinking: I'm from Alabama and I have no business whatsoever pointing out the flaws of Hollywood Celebrities. But I'm very talented at running my mouth due to my years of working in Radio. I follow the daily lives of celebrities because it's a few hours a day that I am not trying to run my own advertising agency or be a mother to two little boys who demand juice every five mintues on rotating shifts. I have a wonderful bonus son who is determined to drive us all crazy and his mother (my husband's ex wife and dear friend of mine) into an early grave. My husband is a police officer and HORRIFIC pool boy. My mother's vocabulary includes words such as 'attack-ted' and 'muncho'. So who am I to tell celebrities that they should never have visible camel toe?

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Terms and Definitions

Trailer Park Tammy • ( 'trA-ler park tam âe)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears as if she resides in a heavily populated trailer park.
Ex: Britney Spears

Redneck Rita • (red-ânek rit a)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, whose actions and opinions are similar to those of the rural South.
Ex: Tara Reid

Mattress-Back Road-Whore
(ma-tres bak rOd hOr)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears to have had many multiple partners and has a weathered appearance.
Ex. Paris Hilton

Fug • (fUg)
adj.: Frightingly ugly.
Ex. Bjork

Whoreible • (hOr a ble)
adj.: Marked by or conducive to horrible. Can also be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. Sharon Stone

Whoretrocious • (hOrtrO-shes)
adj.: Utterly revolting
Ex. Kevin Federline

Gone • (go-n)
adj.: So far removed from reality it is unlikely to come back. Can be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. "That outfit is so gone."

Skank • (ske[a]k)
adj.: An individual whose actions are similar to those of a Trailer Park Tammy or Mattress Back Roadwhore.
Ex. Jessica Simpson

Puddin • (pu-din)
adj.: An individual who may not reside in a trailer park but probably should.
Ex. Lindsey Lohan

Critter • (kri-ter)
adj.: A being of anomalous or uncertain aspect or nature.
Ex. Whitney Houston

Fantabulous • (fan'tab ye-les) adj.: The combined usage of âfabulousâ and âfantasticâ.
Ex. Jessica Alba

Whore • (hOr)
adj.: Jessica Simpson
Ex. Angelina Jolie

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

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