Ridicluelessness

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Martial Law

Sigh...Jude...no....just... no. When this picture was first visited upon my poor defenseless eyes, they stung a bit, but after I came to they didn't hurt anymore. I use to think you were the cutest thing but I'm afraid the pseudo tuxedo pants you're wearing have forced me to revisit my initial impression. If this is merely ignorance on your part, then please forgive me, but men don't really wear tummy shirts especially in conjunction with wife-beater sleeves. It's just a thing I guess. And also, men (or anyone for that matter) don't really wear white pleather belts in tight jeans with a Husky racing stripe down the side either. Your poo brown dress shoes are a little much as well, I'm afraid. Usually a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you would wear them to a dog fight. If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn't wear them ever.

The newspaper was a nice trick though. I assume you are trying to convince us that you read some in addition to swinging. It works.

2 Comments:

Unknown said...: I'm not really a big Jude Law fan but he had potential. It's a shame he has such bad taste. The whole outfit is making me cringe.; 10:23 PM
Litzi said...: Hi Maddie,
I’m beginning to think a lot of Hollywood’s finest could use “personal dressers” to help them avoid these terrible fashion faux pas. Are they really clueless or do they think they can get away with wearing whatever they damn well please and everyone will follow suit? Anyone with an IQ of a gerbil would realize the entire outfit is SO wrong. Perhaps his brains (ya think?) are being squeezed too tight in those atrocious slacks.; 11:11 PM

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: Name: Maddie; Location: Alabama

I know what you're thinking: I'm from Alabama and I have no business whatsoever pointing out the flaws of Hollywood Celebrities. But I'm very talented at running my mouth due to my years of working in Radio. I follow the daily lives of celebrities because it's a few hours a day that I am not trying to run my own advertising agency or be a mother to two little boys who demand juice every five mintues on rotating shifts. I have a wonderful bonus son who is determined to drive us all crazy and his mother (my husband's ex wife and dear friend of mine) into an early grave. My husband is a police officer and HORRIFIC pool boy. My mother's vocabulary includes words such as 'attack-ted' and 'muncho'. So who am I to tell celebrities that they should never have visible camel toe?

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Terms and Definitions

Trailer Park Tammy • ( 'trA-ler park tam âe)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears as if she resides in a heavily populated trailer park.
Ex: Britney Spears

Redneck Rita • (red-ânek rit a)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, whose actions and opinions are similar to those of the rural South.
Ex: Tara Reid

Mattress-Back Road-Whore
(ma-tres bak rOd hOr)
adj.: An individual, usually a woman, who appears to have had many multiple partners and has a weathered appearance.
Ex. Paris Hilton

Fug • (fUg)
adj.: Frightingly ugly.
Ex. Bjork

Whoreible • (hOr a ble)
adj.: Marked by or conducive to horrible. Can also be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. Sharon Stone

Whoretrocious • (hOrtrO-shes)
adj.: Utterly revolting
Ex. Kevin Federline

Gone • (go-n)
adj.: So far removed from reality it is unlikely to come back. Can be used as a noun or pronoun.
Ex. "That outfit is so gone."

Skank • (ske[a]k)
adj.: An individual whose actions are similar to those of a Trailer Park Tammy or Mattress Back Roadwhore.
Ex. Jessica Simpson

Puddin • (pu-din)
adj.: An individual who may not reside in a trailer park but probably should.
Ex. Lindsey Lohan

Critter • (kri-ter)
adj.: A being of anomalous or uncertain aspect or nature.
Ex. Whitney Houston

Fantabulous • (fan'tab ye-les) adj.: The combined usage of âfabulousâ and âfantasticâ.
Ex. Jessica Alba

Whore • (hOr)
adj.: Jessica Simpson
Ex. Angelina Jolie

Saturday, August 12, 2006

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