Burn Baby Burn

Stephen Cole is a Firefighter. He's faced death head on as a blazing inferno charred structures and lives.

He has smelled the death of bodies, of hopes and dreams as they crumbled to ash and floated in the air before settling on the ground.

He's felt the hair on his arms singe as he clung tightly to the long hose bursting with water in desperate and sometimes futile attempts to salvage people's homes.

His muscles have ached from holding scared children too tightly as he rushed head first through the eager, greedy flames hungry for more tragedy.

He's fallen into bed exhausted, yearning for sleep only to hear shattering, bone-numbing cries shred the curtain of slumber.

Stephen Cole knows what a fire is capable of and he respects it.

He does not, however, respect the fact that the Target bikini he's wearing is all wrong for him nor does he appreciate the fact that his wig is crooked. He did attempt to bring the entire ensemble together with pink flip flops and pink lip gloss, but he went a step to far with the gold locket. The most pressing question I have is did he use a razor or did he use Nair? That is the cleanest bikini line I've seen in quite some time.

Stephen is from Rhode Island and was arrested yesterday at 5:00 while driving under the influence, public intoxication and disorderly conduct. He stated to police that he was on his way to a gay bar to compete as a woman for a $10,000 grand prize.

I for one am insulted. How dare he think any woman in her right mind would wear her hair thus? And no woman, sirrah, would ever allow her falsies to play peek-a-boo with her top.