Identifying the Badasseyerectus

Avril Lavigne is such a bad ass. I bet all the girls in school were scared of her. I would have been if I saw her walking toward me 'all bowed' up like that. If you have previously wondered if Avril was a true rebel or just pretending to be one...check out the black shoes and the Bermuda Shorts. In an effort to aide my dear readers in discerning between actual bad-asses and posers, I've elected to break down Lavigne's entire...ahem...ensemble. Let's get started:

1. Eyeliner-One key to identifying the species badasseyerectus is by gazing into the kohl soaked eyes. It's very tricky, but if the eyes can be described as 'pee holes in the snow', chances are...you're looking at the real deal.

2. Sweater-I assume this is some form of knit..it's hard to tell for sure but it appears to be of the woven type. Only a genuine bad ass would wear a sweater snug enough for her to show her cobra-esqe back. It's important to look at the sweater in conjunction with the eyes...the eyes seem to say, "Look...I just got my swole on and this sweater proves it". We're getting closer.

3. Black And White Sash- This particular sash has two functions. The first is, a bad ass would wear a sash that clashed with everything else. That's key. It must clash. Second, at any given moment, the bad ass can rip the sash off and wave it around forcing you into a photosensitive seizure. Badasses are tricky and resourceful. I urge you not to get to close to the sash.

4. Bermuda Shorts- This is probably the most cunning trick of a badass. The bad ass lulls you through her benign hem line. How can she possibly be a bad ass? Her shorts go to her knees? That is your first mistake. Anything that is longer that two-inches above the knee might as well be a poison soaked dagger. Quietly back up and proceed the other way.

And finally...

5. Black Tennis Shoes- If your first thought is: "I would cut my feet off before I ever wore those shoes" you, my friend, are in the presence of a bona fied bad ass. Run. Don't pass go and don't collect $200. An Ass whuppen is imminent.