Saving The World...One Leaf At A Time

As I reflect on the days of my childhood, I can't help but smile. I grew up in the country where you didn't have to worry about getting kidnapped or run over. You could ride your bike for miles and stay gone all day and your parent's didn't care. The breeze teased the trees and the smell of wildflowers and honeysuckle were your constant companions.

But, because you were gone all day, your constitution occassionally revolted and you would find yourself with two options: A) Make a mad dash for home and hope you can make it (my friend S. R never could make it...many a pair of her pants have been ruined), or B) Find a nice quiet spot in the woods and use foliage for toilet paper. I can remember balancing on my legs, frozen with shame and degridation while my own personal sounds of 'nature' mingled with the chattering of some offended squirrel. I would look around to make sure some rogue bear that had just escaped from a traveling zoo didn't crash through the clearing and interrupt me before I could 'bury' the evidence.

If Sheryl Crow has her way, we will all be taking to the outdoors in search of leaves to supplement our measly one-square toilet paper rule. That's right folks. Sheryl Crow wants every one to be limited to one square except for those 'pesky situations that require two or three'. Forgive me...but has there ever been a situation that only required two or three? Has she never eaten at Taco Bell? I'm all about saving Mother Earth, but not at the cost of mistaking poison ivy for an innocuous three-tiered leaf because my measly one-square is not enough insurance against the bean burrito I had the night before. (Yes, I've done that too.)

Before we get crazy and the cost of two-ply goes up to $200 on the black market, why don't we try things like...not having plastic cases for Cd's or not riding around in tour buses.?

I don't care if it is 'bio-diesel' Sheryl...it still emits more fumes than a Corolla.

People, for the sake of our children, our dignity and most of all...our trees, it's imperative that we resist Operation Stingy One Square. How much good will limiting toilet paper really do if the ground is stripped bare and tree's have stopped producing leaves out of protest from the wild-eyed maniacs that feverishly rips her leaves off while clutching one square of t.p?

Madness begets madness.