Conversations With My Mother

Mom: "Why are you so ill?"

Moi: "Because I don't understand why we have to eat every meal at 4:00 just to get the Early Bird Special. This is our beach trip and we invited them and they are the ones that are calling all the shots. It pisses me off because I have to start getting ready at 2:00 in the afternoon! I'm not doing it anymore. You can eat dinner with them if you want...I'll just order in."

Mom: "Don't be ugly."

Moi: "I'm not mother! I'm just telling you that I am not going to eat another meal before 7:00 p.m just so I can save $2 freaking dollars!"

Mom: "What is wrong with you? Have you got ESPN or something?"

Moi: "What?"

Mom: "You know...are you pre-menstrual?"

Moi: "No...and if I was, it would be PMS not ESPN."

Mom: "Well, you know what I meant."

Moi: "No really...I didn't."