The Dyson

I went to Lowe's the other day to get some carpet deodrizer. While I was there I wanted to look at vacuum cleaners since I burned ours up on Sunday (long story but an actual flame was involved). I look at the Hoover's and the Electrolux but the attachments keep falling off and the bags look complicated. I have no idea what I am going to buy.

Then, like a beacon signaling to a ship in the dark black night, I see The Dyson. I hear the sedate British guy talking about its cyclone action silently in my head. I walk toward it and everything is in slow motion. Just two more steps....almost there....reaching hand out....

Does anyone else hear Angel's singing?

The Dyson is beautiful and strong. It stands proudly against the rubble that is the other vacuum cleaners around it. I look at the price tag...ah! There is no way I can pay that! For a vacuum cleaner! It would be a sin...I just better made do with these crappy ones.

I walk over to the Dirt Devil. The brush falls off immediately. That's it. I'm getting The Dyson.
I rationalize that if I cut back on a few lunches with friends each week I should be fine. I get one of the workers to get it down for me and I walk it up to the counter with ease. She is rather light for a vacuum....hmmm....

The kid working at the counter goes on and on about how awesome The Dyson is and I am now glad more than ever that I decided to get it. If an 18 year old kid is going to have one...so am I.
Make my purchase, put it in the back seat and head home. My housekeeper was off this week so I called her at home to tell her I got us a new vacuum cleaner and she is just as excited as I am. We talk non stop for at least ten minutes about it. She too has seen The Dyson on television and finds herself drawn to it. Next I call my best friend Shea at work.

Moi: " Girl! Guess what I got?"

Shea: "oooo....what?"

Moi: "A Dyson Vacuum Cleaner!"

Shea: "Oh. What's that?"

What is it???? Is she kidding me?? THE SACRILEGE!!

Moi: "Girl! Do you remember that British guy on tv talking about his vacuum cleaner? It's yellow?"

Shea: "Oh yeah. That's neat. You got one of those?"

Moi: "Yeah. But you don't sound excited at all."

Shea: "That kind of excitement can only be shared with people who have been married for at least ten years."

I find myself wondering at the depths I have sunk too and I grow concnerned at her assessment. She is single after all and I wonder if I am as big of a loser as her last comment would suggest.

So I get home, get Progeny Two settled (POne is at school) and I am prepared to assemble The Dyson. I open the box, get the directions and make three or four simple connections and I am done. I step back and watch in silence and awe as The Dyson commands the room. I get the cord, walk over to the socket, and plug it in. I walk back to the v.c and gently mash the big, oprange button. Music fills the air. The Dyson is so quiet but it still sounds powerful. I grip the handle and start moving. She moves with such ease! And I can feel the cyclone action! It even sounds like a freight train! AMAZING! I can see the dirt in the clear canister! HOW MUCH MORE EXCITEMENT CAN ONE INDIVIDUAL TAKE IN ONE DAY??? I go to the phone.

"Police Department," the voice on the other line says.

Moi: "Could I speak with Sgt. James Blank in Patrol please?"

PD: "Yes...can I tell him who is calling?"

Moi: "His wife."

A few seconds later...

"This is Sgt. Blank..."

Moi: "Honey!"

Hubby: "Yea babe...What's up?"

Moi: "You know that vacuum cleaner I brought home today..."

Three minutes later my husband is abreast of the micraculous even that has happened in our home. I eagerly await his response.

Hubby: "That's good honey."

That's it??? That's all I get?

I wait for him until he gets home. I know he will be unable to deny the brilliance of the design. I stay up two hours past my normal bedtime to show him The Dyson. It pays off.

He walked in and was pleasantly surprised to find me waiting for him.

Hubby: "Hey you! What are you doing up?" He walked over and kissed me on the cheek.

Moi: "You have to try out this vacuum cleaner. It is amazing."

Hubby: "Are you serious?"

Moi: "Oh, yeah. Way serious."

Hubby: "Can I get out of my uniform first?"

He comes back in a minute or so and is clearly ready to run the vacuum so he can get to playing internet checkers. I put the handle in his hand and instruct him on how to turn it on. He moves it back and forth and I can tell with each inch of carpet he becomes more and more amazed.

"Hey...that's pretty neat. How much did you pay for it?"

Uh-oh. "Hmmm...I can't remember exactly."

"As long as you didn't pay over $400 for it..."

I instantly feel relief..."Oh! I paid right at $400 for it!"

He immediately replies with, "well...as long as you didn't pay over $200 for it!"

I explain to him that it is too late...he already said $400 was okay and maybe he will take this as a learning experience and be better prepared on the cost factor next time.