Just A Little Tweak

A friend of mine who is in her final stages of pregnancy, called to update me on her progress. She said that the doctors performed a stress test on the baby because he wasn't moving as much as he should and the doctor's made her drink an entire Dr. Pepper and thankfully the baby started to move. Then we had the following conversation:

Her: "I'm so glad the Dr. Pepper worked because if it didn't the doctor told me I was going to have to do the Nipple test."

Moi: "Nipple test?! What is that?"

Her: "Basically I would have to play with my nipples to try and force a contraction."

Moi: "What are you saying to me? Explain!"

Her: "I would have to lay down on a table under a sheet and play with my nipples. While the nurse watched."

Moi: "Shut up. I'm so upset about this. I'm really sorry about that but I just can't have this conversation with you. I'm too devastated right now."

Her: "I know. Is that not the worst?"

I cannot even imagine what I would do if I were in her situation. I mean...once when I was preggers, the doctor wanted to do an unscheduled 'examination' and I was totally unprepared for it and I refused to let him do it. I told him there was not enough room in his clinic for my less than pristine bikini line, him and his nurse. I looked like Buckwheat in a leg lock.