People's Most Beautiful

People Magazine has named Drew Barrymore the most beautiful person in the world. When asked for her reaction, Barrymore responded, "My peacock feathers shine in the golden-hour light and extend to the heavens". Too bad her boobs didn't follow suit. She also suggests that happiness is the key to beauty. "Happy people are like a mirror and they reflect that happiness."

I'm a pretty happy person, so I took Drew's advice and looked in the mirror. I was very disappointed. All I saw was a sheet imprint on my left cheek from sleeping way too hard, mascara smudged under my eyes (I obviously didn't get it all) and an angry zit on my chin.

People's special edition hits stands today.