Is That A Tire Iron In Your Hand Sir, or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

According to some study released from somewhere (who really cares where it came from right?) over 16 million people suffer from road rage. Well, I'm one of the 16 million and not afraid to admit it. So if you ever make it to Alabama and find your self on my highway, please refrain from the following:

1. Getting in the right lane and planning to go straight and preventing the other thirty cars behind you from going right on red.
2. Going four in the fast lane.
3. Playing catch up with your buddy in the other lane and slowing down both lanes of traffic.
4. Talking on your cell phone and not paying attention. Yes, I know I talk on my cell phone while driving but I am allowed to.
5. Giving your husband hell while he's driving. I kid you not. I have seen some woman beat the living hell out of her husband's head while he was trying to drive.
6. Singing your song really hard at the red light. I know this does not effect your driving but I get really embarrassed for you and I hate feeling embarrassed.
7. For the love of GOD, stop picking your nose PAP PAW! DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO ROLL IT BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS TOO?
8. Please don't allow your kids to moon your fellow drivers. I speak from experience. While coming home from church one night (dad's a preacher) my brother's decided to display their charms to the motorist's behind them. I tried to get my mother's attention but she got tired of me tugging on her sleeve and saying ,"Mama" so she just yelled at me, "I"M TALKING MADDIE." She wishes she would have stopped talking now...it was a deacon behind us.

So as long as you pay attention to the few things I've outlinedabove, you will most likely never meet my friend Billy Club.