Dancing With The Stars Finale...Thank God It's Over

I'm seriously at a loss over tonights show. I may not be a professional dancer, but I know what I feel. Several times throughout this season, I've felt as if the performers gave me a gift or that I was witnessing living, breathing art, but tonight might as well have been the pilot episode of Dancing with Inanimate Objects. Where was the passion? Where was the drive? Where is my Immodium?

Mel and Max- Loved the Cha Cha. Mel is a beautiful performer and Maksim is hotness personified, but would you like one hit of acid or two when you rewind the tape to watch their freestyle? Everything about it was strange...the singers, Max's white shoes (they were white right? Perhaps it was a visual aura warning me that a migraine was on the way), the expression on their faces. But in the end, they both knew it wasn't up to their standard and I can appreciate that. Overall, they've been consistent performers and everyone is entitled to an 'off' night. And Max is hot.

Marie and Jonathan- Lord have mercy. Whew. I can appreciate that she has a large fan base and hey...that's the beauty of America...you can vote for who you want, but don't insult us or reward those that voted for you by that RIDICULOUS business you tried to pass off as a dance. There is not ONE PERSON on this board who could not have done what she did. I think all the Rag Dolls should unite and demand an apology. She's done very well on several of her dances and I enjoyed watching her, but she is rude, loud, and egotistical. I'm sorry Marie fan's, but placing her WALKING aside, after her behavior tonight with the judges, I wouldn't vote for her if the show was called Dancing With Marie and she was the only contestant. But y'all have at it. And Max is hot.

Helio and Julianne- Technical Schmecnical. Helio may have been clod-hopping all over that dance floor (if one were to believe the judges), but at least he came out awake...I mean fighting. The choreography was difficult, the routines incorprated aspects of what he's learned over the past three months and it engaged me. His dance just may prevent me from waking up in the middle of the night screaming for help because a giant Marie Osmond doll tried to strangle me with suspenders. I wish Julianne would stop with the fantastic body and give us at least a token flaw. And Max is hot.

The Judges- I think Carrie Ann thought she was reprising her role as Fook Mi in Austin Powers and did she seriously call out the Spice Girls? Was she trying to make Ginger Spice go Zig-A-Zig-Ah on her? In all likelihood, at this moment Len is cruising the streets looking for an eight ball because he looked DIS-GUS-TED. Bruno was rather tame tonight, but that's probably because he'd already sat through the rehearsals and had to be revived with smelling salts. But just like the dancing, their comments were inconsistent with the rest of the season.

The good news is... we have tomorrow night.

The bad news is...we have tomorrow night and Marie has lots of relatives.

We should prepare ourselves for the fact that very soon...Donny could be gazing at his reflection in the mirror ball on his sister's shelf.