Tears Of A Clown

Cameron it's no secret I LOATHE you, but in the interest of basic human decency, I offer you a suggestion: take that necklace back to whoever sold it to you because it did not bring you good luck. 

If it had, the individual who did your 'make-up' wouldn't have applied your make up with a trowel and your hair wouldn't appear as if it's been styled with a Brillo pad.

Woooo Girl...

No mam. Visible pubes are never acceptable. You're cute and all, but evidence of your journey through puberty DO NOT enhance that Pocahontas shirt in any shape, form or fashion. 

Belly Chain? Really?

With this particular pose, I think it's safe to suggest Brooke Hogan ('ho' being of particular importance) believes the rest of us should pack it up and go home because the epitome of 'coolness' has arrived. 

Brooke would be wrong. 

Aside from the fact that belly chains went out with Coca-Cola shirts, she successfully managed to skank up a sweater cardigan.

The only thing this ensemble is missing is one-inch acrylic nails. 

This Is For You B13

Jessica's looking...quite healthy these days. I actually find it refreshing that someone in HO-llywood looks like they eat. I still don't like Jessica or the way that shirt/dress/high-class stripper suit hangs. 

Is that...Battenberg lace? I think I see what Jessica's going for here: she would DO it on a table cloth, so why not look like one????

You saucy wench. 

OPEN LETTER TO McCAIN CAMPAIGN AND RNC

I am a life long Republican and a committed McCain/Palin supporter. While I am passionate about politics, I don't pretend to know the logistics involved in getting a candidate elected, but I do have an extensive background in advertising & marketing. I've made it my business to find out what people want and what compels them to purchase my clients products. My instinct for being able to 'push the right buttons' has enabled me to enjoy significant success on a national level. (It aint braggin' if it's true, right?) 

I understand and appreciate that McCain is a good man and would prefer to win this election based on his policies and his desire to clean up Washington, but it is absolutely critical that his campaign hit Obama EVERY SINGLE DAY on his Chicago connections, his Jeremiah Wright connection and Obama's fascist comments. It has got to be smash-mouth, bloody-nose, iron-skillet, controversial warfare for several reasons:  

1. His base wants it. They need it. They are begging for it. Their support is waning and they are disheartened because the MSM has hijacked the conversation. They feel this election is slipping through their fingers and McCain is not fighting back. How can he expect his supporters to fight for him if he wont do it himself? Why should they knock on doors, volunteer at local campaign headquarters, make phone calls, donate to the campaign when they feel like the election is lost anyway? That's what the media and polls tell them and we all know perception is reality. Respectfully, this campaign seems to be devoid of LIFE. If McCain is unwilling to do this, someone needs to do it on his behalf.  

2. If McCain's ads court controversy, then the MSM starts talking about McCain. If their talking about McCain, then their not talking about Obama. If McCain relentlessly exploits Obama's Chicago 'thuggery', then Obama will be too busy calling McCain's tactics outrageous and deplorable to wax poetic about 'change and hope'. When McCain picked Palin, his judgement and sanity were questioned and every vile accusation imaginable was lobbed at Palin, but the McCain campaign enjoyed record poll numbers and the base circled wagons.  

3. The McCain campaign has a gift no Republican Candidate has ever had: PUMA'S. These women (and some men) are as passionate and committed to McCain and Palin as any Republican. The media calls them bitter, but they are truly concerned about this country and the direction it's heading. They want to be used and are volunteering at GOP campaign headquarters in DROVES. They are committed to making sure what happened to Hillary does not happen to Sarah, but they need a reason to keep fighting. They loath Obama and his politics and they want blood. They DESERVE blood for the way their candidate was cheated out of the nomination. They want Obama exposed for what he really is. They get under the skin of extreme left-wing democrats worse than Republicans ever could and as you know, Republicans love to annoy the left-wingers. The McCain campaign or the RNC need to find away to utilize the PUMA's. The Hillary supporters have the opportunity plead McCain's case to moderate Democrats and the media will hate them for being 'traitors' and that, in turn, will energize the base even more. There can be no greater example of McCain's ability to reach across the aisle than his ability to bring over Hillary's supporters. The 'Deborah' ad was effective for a reason.  

4. Find a way to publicly address how the McCain campaign and the RNC plan to counter voter fraud. Horror stories are circulating all over the internet about bogus voter registrations and a large number of McCain supporters are at risk of adopting the dangerous mindset of 'why bother?'. They have got to be assured that they are not working for naught, and that the RNC will do everything in it's power to root out every single instance of voter fraud. Allow the supporters to focus on getting to work for McCain instead of worrying about having the election pulled out from under them.  

Hopefully, you've gotten to this point in my letter so I may humbly thank you for taking the time to read these suggestions. Some may have stated the obvious, but I could not rest until I sent this email to as many people in positions of making a difference in this campaign as possible. For me, this election is about good vs. evil and I will do everything in my power to help McCain and Palin win the White House.

Respectfully,

Maddie Kaddison

Baby In A Belly

The way women's body responds to pregnancy always amazes me. Christina looks great here although I think she's full of shit because no pregnant woman is going to willingly put heels on.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I gained 65 pounds and was pretty much a raging bitch the entire time (just ask the waitresses at the Waffle House. "I'll cover and smother you, whore if you don't get me my hash browns!" I was put on bed rest about six months into my pregnancy so I pretty much sat around my house in my maternity panties and a t-shirt with the thermostat set on 4.

What happened to the good old days when pregnant women lived in sweat suits and rarely brushed their hair? I mean...it's the only time in a woman's life when she can let herself go and not care.

But this...this display by Christina Aguilera puts added pressure on pregnant chicks to actually make an effort to look presentable, which I think is unfortunate.

Resist the temptation ladies and let it all hang out. This is the moment many of you have dreamed about...unlimited ice cream, sporadic showers and ever-present house shoes...just the way the good Lord intended it.

Calling All Techies

Unbeknownst to me, some individuals viewing my blog using Internet Explorer see a messed up template. My profile and side bar are at the bottom of the page. I've tried to fix it, but I can't. Anyone have any idea or suggestions on what I should do?

Guess The Celebrity...

I'll give you a hint...at one point her body was a wonderland.

The Chronicles of Wynonna

Love may be able to build a bridge, but I pray that hatred can build a big ass steam liner to take me as far from this image as possible. I'm not sure if the dress was really supposed to be red or if someone took one look at it and bled out.

See the thing is...why do large ladies wear large clothes? The last thing you need is a dress that billows or something with enough material to clothe an entire third world country. And what pray tell, is that lavender head band doing besides not matching?

Look Nona...can I call you Nona? I know your hubby was a perverted sicko and all that, but when you adorn yourself as thus, it's not hard to imagine why. There is nothing wrong with not being a size three/four, but neither should you strive to wear size huge/huger.

Don't hide your light under a bushel.

Dancing With The Stars Finale...Thank God It's Over

I'm seriously at a loss over tonights show. I may not be a professional dancer, but I know what I feel. Several times throughout this season, I've felt as if the performers gave me a gift or that I was witnessing living, breathing art, but tonight might as well have been the pilot episode of Dancing with Inanimate Objects. Where was the passion? Where was the drive? Where is my Immodium?

Mel and Max- Loved the Cha Cha. Mel is a beautiful performer and Maksim is hotness personified, but would you like one hit of acid or two when you rewind the tape to watch their freestyle? Everything about it was strange...the singers, Max's white shoes (they were white right? Perhaps it was a visual aura warning me that a migraine was on the way), the expression on their faces. But in the end, they both knew it wasn't up to their standard and I can appreciate that. Overall, they've been consistent performers and everyone is entitled to an 'off' night. And Max is hot.

Marie and Jonathan- Lord have mercy. Whew. I can appreciate that she has a large fan base and hey...that's the beauty of America...you can vote for who you want, but don't insult us or reward those that voted for you by that RIDICULOUS business you tried to pass off as a dance. There is not ONE PERSON on this board who could not have done what she did. I think all the Rag Dolls should unite and demand an apology. She's done very well on several of her dances and I enjoyed watching her, but she is rude, loud, and egotistical. I'm sorry Marie fan's, but placing her WALKING aside, after her behavior tonight with the judges, I wouldn't vote for her if the show was called Dancing With Marie and she was the only contestant. But y'all have at it. And Max is hot.

Helio and Julianne- Technical Schmecnical. Helio may have been clod-hopping all over that dance floor (if one were to believe the judges), but at least he came out awake...I mean fighting. The choreography was difficult, the routines incorprated aspects of what he's learned over the past three months and it engaged me. His dance just may prevent me from waking up in the middle of the night screaming for help because a giant Marie Osmond doll tried to strangle me with suspenders. I wish Julianne would stop with the fantastic body and give us at least a token flaw. And Max is hot.

The Judges- I think Carrie Ann thought she was reprising her role as Fook Mi in Austin Powers and did she seriously call out the Spice Girls? Was she trying to make Ginger Spice go Zig-A-Zig-Ah on her? In all likelihood, at this moment Len is cruising the streets looking for an eight ball because he looked DIS-GUS-TED. Bruno was rather tame tonight, but that's probably because he'd already sat through the rehearsals and had to be revived with smelling salts. But just like the dancing, their comments were inconsistent with the rest of the season.

The good news is... we have tomorrow night.

The bad news is...we have tomorrow night and Marie has lots of relatives.

We should prepare ourselves for the fact that very soon...Donny could be gazing at his reflection in the mirror ball on his sister's shelf.