Monday, July 31, 2006

Gibson Vs. The State
Is it totally wrong, in light of Mel's recent behavior, to think he looks kinda hot in his mug shot?

Perhaps This Will Make Her Eat
IDontLikeYouThatInThatWay is reporting that Nicole Ritchie is sweating bullets after having lost her phone. Apparently, she was having some good ole' nude, sexual fun with some of her girlfriends and took some pictures to document the occasion..cause it's not like things like that ever get leaked right?

The good news? Her legs look better in this picture. The bad? Her feet don't.
Poor Baby
Lindsey Lohan (seen above snogging with Pamela Anderson) did NOT deserve that meanie letter from those nasty old movie execs according to Mama Hohan. She says that her daughter is a 'wonderful child' and the letter was simply 'too much'. Mama Ho took her gripes to Access Hollywood and said the author of the letter was 'way out of line' for scolding her daughter. She claimed that perhaps he has personal issues with someone else and just took it out on 'her child', which she claims was not a 'smart thing to do to a young girl'. She also took issue with the assertion that Lindsey was hospitalized due to her partying and not dehydration as was released. She claims that her child has 'bronchial asthma' and can't breath under extreme conditions. Mama Ho says that she is a mother and will do what she need to do to protect her child.

Let me give Mama Ho a few pointers with child rearing.

1. Tell your 'child' to get her ass to work and show up when she's supposed to.
2. Encourage your 'child' not to smoke like a chimney if she has asthma.
3. Tell your 'child' not to be photographed drinking when she's only 19.
4. Tell your 'child' when she's on set and giving blow jobs to her fellow actor, not to wear a sweater when it's 105 outside.
5. Tell your 'child' she needs to come home before dawn.
6. Tell your 'child' she should limit her sexual partners to no more than one per month.
7. Stop referring to your 'child' as a 'child' when it's convenient.
8. Be a better example for your 'child'. Stop dressing like you're in your twenties and make her accept responsibility.
9. Be your 'child's parent. Not her best friend.

And most importantly...
10. Give me a break.
Bored in Acapulco
Cameron: "Oh Justy Wusty. I love you so much. You make me feel justified. HA HA...get it?No one understand me like you do. I feel like you wrote Sexy Back just for me from that time I shook my ass in Charlie's Angels. You did didn't you? I''m so glad we're together. I love you so much. Everyone says I'm afraid if commitment but I'm not. I would marry you TODAY. That is if you wanted to. I mean...I'M not opposed to it. I mean...I would even be fine going to Vegas or something. But only if you wanted to. Cause I'm serious...I really would marry you.

Justin: "Wanna rent a jet ski?"

Cameron: "I mean it's not like I'm dying to get married or anything. I just would. With you. Today. Right now. This second. But only if you wanted to."

Justin: "This water makes me want to pee."

Cameron: "Cause I mean..marriage could be fun right? I mean, we are practically married now anyway. We've been together over three years and we hang out all the time. And you've only broken up with me once which I completely understand why you did. You were just trying to make me realize how much you loved me and the only way you could do that was to make me see how pathetic my life was without you."

Justin: "I wonder if Britney is going to have anymore kids? Do you think she will?"

Cameron: "But if you wanted a big wedding...a really big wedding I would not be opposed to that at all. We could have swans and ice sculptures and you could have an armadillo cake made out of red velvet like in Steel Magnolias! HAHAHAHA...that was a great movie and I totally cried when she died."

Justin: "I need a haircut."

Cameron: "But it's not like I have to have a big wedding or anything. 'Cause all that means nothing to me. Oh! We could have ponies! And elephants! But I would only want to get married if you did...'cause honestly...I could go either way. "

Justin: "Did you just say something?"

Saturday, July 29, 2006

It's Getting Ugly
TMZ is reporting that there is a little more to the DUI report published about Mel. The website reports that the Los Angeles Sherrif's department released a sanitized version of events from the night of the arrest. It is believed they did not release the true version of events for fear that some of the comments Gibson made would be too 'inflammatory'. Some of the comments were:

  • "F***ing Jews! They are responsible for all the wars in the world."
  • "You motherf***er! I'm going to f*** you!" (this to the arresting officer)
  • "What are you looking at sugar tits?" (spoken to a female officer on the scene. Who says 'sugar tits' anymore?)
  • "I'm f***ed."
And it gets better. It was all video taped.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Mel Gibson Arrested For DUI
Mel Gibson was arrested in Los Angeles early this morning by the Los Angeles County Sherriff department. His bail was set at $5000. I really hate this because I know that the critics of the director will be out in full force and questioning his commitment to the Catholic faith. I personally was very effected by the Passion Of The Christ in a powerful way. But I expect to hear comments like Mel made the movie to make money and not because of a commitment to his faith. I think Christianity is held to a different sort of standards than any other religion. People tend to forget that we are all human and make mistakes. Doesn't mean you don't love God or your show of your faith is just that...a show. It just means we all make bad choices some times.

But maybe while Mel was in jail, they shaved that grungy beard he's been sporting. Deciding to grow that out was another example of Mel's tendency to not make the wisest decisions.
Leading The L.A.M.B To Slaughter
Gwen Steffani, owner of her own fashion empire, proved that sometimes after having children you just don't care about how you look any longer. I mean, what else would explain the Dickie capri's she's wearing with the shirt that I swear my grandmother owned in 1983. I won't even talk about the sailor shoes. Those suckers are for the privacy of your own home while you are there by yourself and are certain no one, including your husband, will be stopping in for a visit. They are not for public consumption. And didn't Lancome give that bag away last month as a promotional offer?
Harry Potter To Show His 'Magic Wand'
Seventeen year old Daniel Radcilffe will star as a troubled stable boy in the London play Equus. His rep released a statement that Daniel is 'maturing as an actor and beginning to take on new and challenging roles'. The play delves into the mind of a disturbed boy who blinds six horses with a metal spike. In one scene, Radcliffe is required to simulate sexual ecstasy while riding a horse naked. I have a feeling that after seeing that play, many people will wish they could be blinded with a metal spike as well.
Oohhhh....She's In Trouble
A Hollywood producer is blasting Lindsay Lohan for her unprofessional diva like behavior on the set of her current movie, Georgia Rule. The Smoking Gun published a blistering letter written to the actress. He calls her recent behavior 'discourteous, irresponsible, and unprofessional'. The author of the letter, James G. Robinson, also claims Lohan 'acted like a spoiled child and in doing so, have alienated many of your co-workers and endangered the quality of Georgia Rule. He also claims to be suspicious of her recent bouts with illness and claims her recent trip to the hospital was most likely due to her hard partying. He also threatened to sue her if she did not 'take the letter seriously and conduct yourself professionally.

I personally hope she doesn't so that will limit the amount of people who want her in their films. I am currently on Lohan overload. And I would be willing to bet you a steak dinner that Mama Hohan is not happy.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Care To Make A Bet?
Rumor abounds that Halle Berry's womb is ripe with the fruit of her model boyfriend Grabriel Aubrey and Halle has made no secret that she's desperate for a baby. I personally love Halle and I think she is one of the most beautiful women in the world even though she makes poor movie choices. However, if Halle does not gain at least sixty pounds during her first pregnancy then I don't know if I will be able to hold her in as high esteem as I do now.
Meet The Fatty
I think it's time for Barbara Streisand to do another Farewell tour. Maybe then she could muster up the energy to brush her hair, bathe, hit the pits with a razor etc. She has managed to make sure her nails look nice though. One should always make their manicure is fresh when you are shoveling food in your mouth at an obviously rapid pace. And a 65 year old Pebbles is not a good look.
Puddin'
Guess the banged up thighs and butt in a horrible peach colored bathing suit.

UPDATE: If you guessed Lindsey Hohan...YOU ARE CORRECT!
Conversations With (Or About) Mother
The phone picture is a little misleading because this conversation did not take place on the phone as my parents are living with me while their house is being finished. But if God has any mercy for me, the conversations will resume on the phone shortly.

My dad and I were sitting on the back porch drinking coffee this morning and my father starts shaking his head.

"You know what yo mama did yesterday?" He asks with a disgusted look on his face.

"I have no idea." Slurp...man that coffee hits the spot. I'm sure nothing my father tells me will be surprising.

"Me and your mama went to look at the house to see if they had finished painting yet and there were some workers there and your mama starts talking to one of 'em. She's pointin' out places in the sheetrock that need to be smoothed out, and she's just a talkin'." At this point, dad uses the universal sign for jabber jaws. "And the man she's talkin' to is laugin' at everything she says so she starts puttin' on a show. You know your mama thinks she's a John Brown comedian anyway. So she's talkin' and talkin' and the man is noddin' and laughin'. Then this other man walks up to her and says 'Mam...he dosen't speak English'. Do you know your mama talked to that man for twenty mintues and he didn't' understand a word she said?"
The Pitts
Where did I go wrong? How is it that a three month old baby can get a wax figure and I can't? Although Brad's figure looks dirty if you ask me...and not in a good way either.
Liar Liar Pants On Fire
See...this is a prime example of why Katharine McPhee was not idol material. First she ducks out of the Idol tour cause she has bronchitis and laryngitis and evidently truthitis as well. Obviously, her type of sickness encourages one to submerge themselves in a swimming pool while frolicking with your forty one year old boy friend. Then she was caught going to a photo shoot and defended her actions by saying she was just trying to take advantage of 'down time'. Now a source close to McPhee says that her struggle with bulimia has reared it's ugly head again and that is the reason she is missing the tour (which is very unfortunate if true). Her rep denies it and calls the suggestion a "100 percent fake".

Well, Katharine should be very familiar with 'fake' so I'm willing to concede.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Surprise Surprise
Perez Hilton reports that Lance Bass is coming out of hiding and the closet. People Magazine will do the honors and his story will hit news stands this week and rumor has it, he'll even get the cover.

Good for you Lance although I must let you in on a little secret...we already knew.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I Had A Vision Of Ass
Ohhh....Mariah. I am so tired. I am just utterly exhausted. NO, cut off shorts with cheek hanging out are not stylish and YES they do make men want you. To cover it up that is. You are 30+ years old. You are no longer in your first blush of youth. The time has come for you to let it go. It's okay...the hardest part is making that decision...once you get past that you are home free. And since we are on the subject, no more hot pink okay? No more butterflies either. That's just silly.

The only thing we want from you Mariah is your voice. That's it. We don't want to see you frolicking on the beach in a sorry excuse for a bikini either. Just. Sing. When we told you to let it all hang out, this is not what we meant. I promise.
Stripes Are Never Good
Cyndi Lauper belting it out at a Gay Pride ceremony dressed as lady liberty. Makes me wonder why Cyndi is such a gay icon because I would be mad if she did that to my flag. I was going to suggest she looked like she was starring in Rainbow Brite: The Twilight Years but I was afraid that might sound trite.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Too...Many...Jokes...Hurts...
Can't...Think...

George Michael was caught by British paparazzi leaving a wooded area with...this man. 58 year old, pot bellied, unemployed van driver, Norman Kirtland was described as 'gross and dirty' by witnesses who saw the couple emerge from the secluded area. George Michael's response when he saw the cameras was, "I don't believe it. F*** off! If you publish these pictures I'll sue!"

When Kirtland sheepishly made his way to his vehicle to leave, a dirty mattress was clearly visible in the back of his van.

You can read the whole story here...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

White Lies
Believe it or not, this post is not about Jessica Simpson. She looks alright I guess...I looked real hard to find something to get on her about but I couldn't. Oh well, I'll give it a shot...Jessica, you need to actually use a comb in order for it to work. Might be time to freshen those extentions up or give Ken a raise. Are you guys fighting?

Check out the chick's face to her left. I know she's excited but COME ON.
Heavenly Father
Forgive her. She knows not what she does. I've been looking all over my desk today trying to find the memo that said Peter Pan boots look great with shorts. I mean...her bag is cute but her club feet in those heinous booties give me acid reflux.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Washboard Stomach
And I don't mean that in a good way. Tara Reid looks disgusting. However, she does look clean which is a positive. But she should get her money back on her boob job and stomach liposuction. It looks like the doctor who worked on her came in off a five day drunk the day of her surgery and did it with a crack pipe hanging from his mouth and one arm tied behind his back while doing the River Dance.
The Queen
Riley Keough, the granddaughter of Elvis Presley and now famous catwalk model, is dating former Ashley Simpson flame, Ryan Cabrera. And she will tackle a bitch too. While attending her honey's 24th birthday party in New York (she's only seventeen) another model playfully took off Ryan's skull cap and ran away with it. Baby girl went off. She chased the model, tackled her to the ground and got the hat back. First off all, she invested way too much energy to get his hat back. Way too much. I mean, I might buy him one if I happened to be walking down the street and there was a little table set up and a veteran was selling them for two dollars and you got a little paper rose to remember veteran's with in addition to the hat and the guy already had the hat bagged up so that all I had to do was hand him my two dollars and grab the hat without having to stop, but all that wrestling around for it is ridiculous.
Colin Confronted By Crazies
Colin Farrell was making an appearance on NBC's The Tonight Show when a woman, whose small claim court case had been dismissed in a previous attempt to extort money from him, confronted him on stage. Dessarae Bradford had attempted to sue Farrell for harassment, claiming the star inundated her with inappropriate phone calls and text messages.

On Thursday, Bradford was in the Tonight Show audience and walked up on stage and handed Farrell a copy of her recently published book Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy. Literary genius to be sure. According to studio witnesses, Colin calmly walked her off stage and then as she was escorted from the set she yelled, "I'll see you in court." Farrell responded with, "Your insane." Ms. Bradford was advised by the Burbank Police Department not to return to NBC property.

Sooooo....he was harassing her so she shows up to humiliate him on television and to make sure he sees her book and screams at him as she is escorted from the property? Makes sense. I'm actually surprised the court dismissed her case. If a robber can sue you after he falls in your house while trying to rob you, why can't she? Injustice!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Baby Suri Exists!
Leah Remini has come forward to quell the silly speculation regarding baby Suri Cruise. In fact, she was a fountain of information and basically wouldn't shut up. After she made the startling revelation that she'd seen the newest addition to the Cruise Compound she gushed to reporters, "She's a newborn and normal size!". Wow. I must admit even I was surprised by this. She's a newborn!? Normal size?! See...just goes to show you, money is everything.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Crack Is Really Bad
Kevin Federline is on a mission. His objective? To 'pulverize' Justin Timberlake on the music charts. While obviously high, he has told everyone who will listen that he's going to be the next Justin Timberlake, only better. How you may ask? He has the 'hottest producers and he can write killer rhymes and all Justin has is a bad falsetto and curly hair'. Kevin's smart. I'll give him that. He knows there is nothing sexier than grease, white socks and an abundance of children with numerous women.
On The Corner Where She Deserves To Be
Jessica Simpson and her dad Joe are trying desperately to tap in to her inner whore, but Tina, Jessica's mom said nope. Not gonna happen. Jessica was posing for a photo shoot which was to feature her in her underwear sitting on a bed, whilst a gentleman was behind her buttoning his trousers. Once Ms. Simpson saw the direction the shoot was going, she called a halt to it, yelling "Time out! Hold it! Nope, this isn't going to work!" She demanded the model keep his pants on.

Guess who disagreed? Joe. But Tina was insistent and ignored her husband insisting "Trust me. I'm her mother. This isn't the image we want."

Tina honey...I applaud your effort but it's a little to late. Have you seen your daughter giving head to the ice cream cone in her video for "Public Affair"? Did you not wonder why your daughter had a man's white button down shirt when you were doing her laundry? Did you not find it the least bit suspicious when that same shirt was shown on your daughter's back as she left Adam Levine's hotel room after being on her back all night?

I know there is a small measure of truth to the wise adage 'Ignorance is bliss' but you, my friend, are riding shotgun on the short bus.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

No
No no no no no no. No no no. No no no no. No no no no, no no no no no. No! No no no no no no no no. No no no. No no no, no no no no no no. No no no, no no no no no no no.

No.
Scum
Us Weekly reports that Jessica's dad, Joe Simpson was spying on Nick Lachey during the seven months between their separation and divorce in the hopes of finding incriminating evidence to use against him. While Joe's camp denies the report and calls it 'preposterous', one club has come forward and said Joe demanded the video surveillance tape from one particular night after receiving calls that Nick, Vanessa and Cacee Cobb were all in attendance on the same night. The club declined to cooperate and Joe is quoted as saying, "If you ever want to see my daughter again, you'll give me what I want." Maybe he was looking for dirt to make people forget that Jessica has reportedly slept with Johnny Knoxville, Bam Mangera (while still married to Nick), and was photographed leaving Adam Levine's hotel wearing his clothes.
Whip Lash
Pamela Anderson posted a message on her official website that she and Kid Rock are getting married. Aside from the fact that no one even knew they were dating, Pamela admits that while her upcoming nuptials are spontaneous they are well thought out. She said her kids are old enough to know what's going on between her and their dad and she is finally able to let go. She said she has seen 'the light' and I don't think she was referring to her reflection in the mirror when she beholds her bleach blonde hair.

No word on when the official separation announcement will be made.

The Carpet Guy
The brother of a good friend of mine, is traveling across country with a group of friends to promote Red Bull and X Power Motosports. Lot's of pictures and updates as they make their way across America. Be sure and leave Rob a message and inquire as to the condition of his posterior.

Click Here....

Monday, July 17, 2006

YES!
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Manolo Blahnik exiting the same night club Jessica Simpson just happened to be at. Sources say that Nick left Vanessa at their table and walked over to speak to Jessica and gave her a hug. It was described as 'awkward' at best. I have been waiting for this day for ever. But if I was going to describe something as 'awkward' it would be the Madonna Holiday song Jessica is trying to rip off.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Tears Of Joy
I have finally arrived. I received my first piece of hate mail today. Please forgive me if I seem giddy, but I would like to share the email with you as it was sent to me. I have refrained from correcting any spelling errors as I did not want to appear rude.

Maddie, Why don't you think you are? You should be so luckey[sic] to kiss the boot of Contantine [sic]. So what if he smirkes[sic]? It's sexy and has gotten him leigions[sic] of femaile [sic] fans. You are probably fat and ugly and jelous [sic].

The only thing that disappoints me is that out of all the things I've posted, Constantine sealed my fate so to speak. Obviously, I'm not doing something right.

Working For The Man
Due to big time box office losses, Hollywood Studios are cutting the salaries of high profile stars and turning off the greenlight on big budget projects. For example, Justin Timberlake's new movie Edison has been straight to video...ouch! Studio's say the pay cut is due to the fact that out of the ten highest grossing movies of last year, only three had recognizable names in them. In addition, several of the Oscar nominees were relative light weights such as Phillip Seymour and Heath Ledger. Two Jim Carrey films have been shut down as well as a Denzell Washington project due to overblown budgets. And nary a word is being spoken about when production will begin on the The Bell Witch starring Reese Witherspoon, leaving many to wonder if it will even be made at all.

These are scary times folks. Buckle up.
She Needs To Be Cut
Desperate times call for desperate measures. It's time Rosie O'Donnell make good on her threat to deliver a '200 pound lesbian ass whuppin' on Naomi Campbell. In yet another story of abuse, a young woman has come forward to claim Naomi smacked her around. Amanda Brack filed a suit on Thursday for battery, false imprisonment and infliction of emotional distress. She claims Naomi, who will be referred to as bitch throughout the rest of this post, smacked her in the face with her blackberry due to a piece of bitch's luggage being left in Brazil, During a 2005 photo shoot in Morocco, Bitch left Ms. Brack in Morocco stranded with out funds, ripped her passport up and threw it in a swimming pool, and left her to pay the hotel bill. In a separate incident, Bitch ripped a sweater off her and accused her of stealing it.

First, why do people continue to work for her? Second, I am almost tempted to apply for the job so I could bust her knee caps.

Friday, July 14, 2006

You Don't Say
Britney Spears told Bazaar that when your pregnant, you don't 'feel the most beautiful all the time'. She said she has felt alot of pressure because people expect her 'to look a certain way'. Well, in my humble opinion, it's kind of hard to feel pretty when you're trolling around in flip flops, unbrushed hair and no make up. And we don't expect you to look a certain way, Britney. All we want is for you to take a bath. And leave Kevin. Is that really too much to ask?
Please Stop. Now.
Constantine DontknowhislastnameandneitherdoIcare from American Idol attended the Moe Handbag launch Wednesday night benefiting breast cancer research to help promote his tour which kicks of August 1st.

Note to Constantine Stilldontcarewhatyourlastnameis: If you are going to attend a benefit where the main focus is issues in regards to the female anatomy, don't pose as if you would like to fondle the female guests. You are not cute. You are greasy. You look like a dick when you pose like that in every single picture ever taken of you.
No More Nookie
Paris Hilton recently stated that she will now be practicing celibacy for one year. She told Regis and Kelly that she's doing it or not doing it because she thinks one night stands are 'gross' and you should make the man work harder for' it'. Work harder for what Paris? Herpes? Your ill shaved petunia? Your brilliant mind? Your classy behavior? Your worthy contribution to society? The chance to have his encounter with you video taped and sold? Free copies of your cd? Sneak peaks at upcoming episodes of The Simple Live? Hour long discussions regarding your feud with Nicole and the slew of other celebrities that hate you?


Your Heritage


This website is so neat. You upload one of your photos and it compares yours to thousands of celebrities and gives you a list of those whose features you closely resemble. Kelly Clarkson was my top match and I'm okay with that as long as I don't start wearing ill fitting unitards. Ed Harris was my honey's top match, and my husband was less than pleased with that seeing as how Ed is follicly challenged. He also shared certain characteristics with Elvis Presley, which further convinced me we are supposed to be together. He is now going through is reptiore of Elvis songs and singing each at the top of his lungs.

If you would like to compare your photo, click here. Just be sure and tell me who you got.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

They Don't Call Her Hohan For Nothing
Ladies and Gentlemen...Lindsy Lohan. Nice. Her mother must be so proud. I mean...that is the UGLIEST sweater I have ever seen in my life. Really.
Risky Business
TMZ.com is serious about investigating the "Where Is Suri Cruise" mystery. Yesterday, a copy of the baby's birth certificate was made public and instead of quieting the questions it has only created more. Some of the questions raised were:

1. The same nurse who signed Suri's birth certificate also signed Brooke Shield's baby's certificate. On one her license number is listed as G48079 but on the other her license number is listed as G068399. TMZ checked with California Board of Registered Nurses and found neither of those numbers were correct. The license number for the nurse in question is 317058.
2. The Board of Registered nurses told TMZ that the license number on the Shields certificate comes back to Dorothy Rork but there is no one associated with the number on Suri's certificate.
3. Brooke Shield signed her daughter's certificate but Katie did not sign her daughters. A 'friend' signed Suri's. The signature was not legible.
4. The L.A Hospitals policy is to file birth certificates with in 10 days of the birth. Suri's was not filed until 20 days later.
5. The nurse who signed off on Suri's certificate was not present at the birth. A St. John's Hospital representative conceded that it is unusual for the doctor not to sign the certificate but it is not 'a requirement'.

Honestly, I thought all of the questions surrounding the birth were silly but it's been 80 days since the birth and we haven't even seen a sock of this child.
On The Brink
Christie Joel Allaux Taubman Cooke Brinkley has separated from her fourth husband Peter Cooke, Fox News reports. They were married in 1996 and have a daughter together. She also has two other children from two of her previous marriages.

You may resume not caring.
Conversations With Dad
Yesterday my sister in law stopped by for a few minutes and she asked me where I got Progeny Two's shoes. I told her and she raved about how cute they were and my father says the following:

"Their made out of that same material that those Crotches are made out of." In case you are unfamilar with these shoes, they are called CROCKS.

Some other examples of his unique vocabulary are:
1.Wal-Mart is pronouned as Wal-Marks
2. He calls Elmo from Sesame Street 'Alpo'.
3. Our grocery store is called Publix but he pronounces it as Pubics.
4.He also made the mistake of referring to photography as Pornography...while preaching a sermon.
Words Of Love
Last night, Hubby and I were laying in bed watching some show on A & E called Death Investigators or somthingnuther, and it was basically following these people who go around picking up dead bodies. The show is very graphic and takes us through what happens to the body once it arrives at the morgue and so forth. A very distrubing look to be sure. After the show was over, Hubby takes my hand and it all seriousness says to me, "I sure am glad you're not dead." I leaned over and said quietly, "Honey...that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Two Jen's
I have to say a big fat thank you to Jen and Jen. Jen of Love Jen helped me find the information I needed to redirect you guys to my new address and Jen of an Undisclosed Blog Name helped me to implement it.

Thank you ladies!

Warning: Female 'Issues' Ahead


On the fourth of July, we had some friends and family come over to swim and cook out. My brother, for reasons unknown, wore an atrocious short brown wig (see left hand side. Progeny Two is modeling the wig for us...pay no mind to the red lipstick...that's a 'stache...we were playing Super Mario Brothers) that made him resemble Moe from the Three Stooges. Throughout the afternoon, everyone, including the kids, had put the wig on at some point. Then I was struck with inspiration. I snuck the wig inside and stuck it in the front of my swimsuit bottoms to give the appearance of a less than clean bikini line. Progeny One saw what I was doing and said, "Oh my gosh", shook his head and walked off. I walk outside and was like, "Let's go swimming!". Everyone starts laughing and then I noticed the husband of my best friend spits his beer (which was hidden in a Styrofoam cup cause we were hiding it from my mom) all over the place and begins laughing harder. My sister in law is desperately trying to get my attention, but I'm too busy working the room, for lack of a better term. Then, my brother yells out, "Hey Maddie! Your tea bag's hanging out!".

Care to take a gander?
'Bare' With Me
I'm obviously having a little trouble with my blog, which frightens me because I am borderline retarded when it comes to this stuff. I tried all day yesterday to update but BLOGGER (also known as Satan) wouldn't let me, and my archived posts as well as everything else disappeared. SIGH. I will hopefully have some updates for you soon.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Madonna and Kabbalah...Kaput?
The Independent Online is reporting that Madonna may be parting ways with Kabbalah due to and among other reasons, the financial strain of the religion. The paper also reports, Madonna feels the mystical cult has put a strain on her marriage with Guy and separates her children from customs such as Christmas, which they do not celebrate at this time.

Jesus ain't mad at you girl...come on back.